and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
