I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
