well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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