I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Is it penis luge time yet?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
