Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
