remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
