glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
