theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
