I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
