My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
