My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
