Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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