I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
