Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
look no pants
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The beer is more important than you right now.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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