you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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