and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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