Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
