So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
