On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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