Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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