There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
