I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I forget how to act sober
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
