she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
