Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I supernannyed him into submission
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