I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Couch. On fire.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
