yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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