Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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