we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
