But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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