Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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