sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
