Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
