Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
