I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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