Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
