every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
