why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
