I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
