i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
