twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
