Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
