Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
