Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
