Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He kissed a someone with a penis
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
