im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Randomize
