I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
