He kissed a someone with a penis
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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