It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
