6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
