He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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