Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
